Wednesday, May 31, 2006

tonight, i'm gonna give myself and everyone an honest confession of my life. planned it for some time, didnt feel like doing before, but now my feelings make me.

well my family is rather conservative. esp with my father out at work, my mum's always angry. trying to set some peace and order, i'd probably be her bane. and why i would defy her everytime, is beyond me.

probably because of my childhood anger. i have a considerable amount of historical baggage, which im rather reluctant to talk about previously, even with my closed ones. yes. i had a very, very dismal childhood, and m not proud of it.

while things look up now, where i have who i want, what i want, and i enjoy what im doing, albeit ignoring the mandatory burdens of school life, i shun the thought of revisiting my childhood. see, my mum treats the family different now. which made me different. which made my life different. nevertheless, we overcome our occasional family hiccups, move on and be a family.

and then i saw something. someone. one who has everything i lacked. i felt sad, knowing that i'm not jealous or anything, its just that i couldnt believe two people with such different fates would cross paths. its just pressurising, i do things to take my mind off it, but i cant.

so i'd confessed, and make myself feel better. but, i feel so happy around the one, who would share her joy and sadness with me, the stubborn closed mind in reality.

and yet, we move on.